You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
