My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
from now on my penis is your penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
