just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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