Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
