Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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