I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
