And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
