I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
