Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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