Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
