I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
