Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
