just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
