Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
