Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.

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  (310): you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday. http://tfl.nu/y9g2
  Replies (6) Good night (3443) Bad night (549)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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  (541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people http://tfl.nu/4uzt
  Replies (16) Good night (3449) Bad night (820)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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  (315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e
  Replies (24) Good night (1776) Bad night (8076)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.

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  (614): This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old. http://tfl.nu/nedp
  Replies (105) Good night (1924) Bad night (5705)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

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  (617): she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her... http://tfl.nu/azzw
  Replies (21) Good night (5089) Bad night (2511)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.

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  (602): Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public. http://tfl.nu/i8al
  Replies (10) Good night (989) Bad night (1836)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

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  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4640) Bad night (676)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.

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  (516): I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great. http://tfl.nu/3h0i
  Replies (14) Good night (2769) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.

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  (206): when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other. http://tfl.nu/no1k
  Replies (9) Good night (1721) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  "Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"

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  (417): "Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day" http://tfl.nu/txdy
  Replies (8) Good night (1748) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.

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  (540): We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment. http://tfl.nu/ze3a
  Replies (3) Good night (1556) Bad night (330)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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  (573): Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you.. http://tfl.nu/j404
  Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?

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  (317): Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed? http://tfl.nu/ggrn
  Replies (13) Good night (292) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.

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  (512): It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should. http://tfl.nu/c9et
  Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.

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  (832): I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement. http://tfl.nu/0r09
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (241)

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