mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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