my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.