Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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