She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.