Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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  (404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson. http://tfl.nu/jbmm
  Replies (6) Good night (811) Bad night (1815)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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  (419): The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/0i2s
  Replies (25) Good night (4513) Bad night (1419)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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  (704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66
  Replies (40) Good night (1282) Bad night (5991)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  birth control should be required to get into college

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  (413): birth control should be required to get into college http://tfl.nu/91c5
  Replies (28) Good night (5692) Bad night (1040)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
  Replies (79) Good night (8846) Bad night (3072)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity

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  (847): ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity http://tfl.nu/nv6r
  Replies (17) Good night (8551) Bad night (1952)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (8197) Bad night (2380)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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  (815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp
  Replies (19) Good night (7818) Bad night (1662)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick

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  (850): that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick http://tfl.nu/ww0j
  Replies (11) Good night (3900) Bad night (725)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"

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  (908): and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now" http://tfl.nu/8bck
  Replies (11) Good night (2555) Bad night (574)
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  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (3168) Bad night (594)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING

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  (201): Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING http://tfl.nu/cx17
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (336)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...

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  (270): What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me... http://tfl.nu/bzfn
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (351)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?

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  (708): Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love? http://tfl.nu/bkra
  Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (299)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick

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  (785): U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick http://tfl.nu/it39
  Replies (7) Good night (1341) Bad night (251)

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