We won't sleep together?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?