Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
