Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Someone signed my nipple.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
