that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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