pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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