Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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