idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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