yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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