Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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