I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
