i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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