I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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