i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
