When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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