Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
