Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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