it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
