I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
