Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
