im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
