Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
