Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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