but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
