I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
