i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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