went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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