I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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