Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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