Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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