They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
