do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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