so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
