Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
