If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
