I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
