i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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