Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
