Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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