Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
