Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
