Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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