I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
