i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
