i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
