It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
