the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
