great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
