I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
