Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
